my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
