4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
