im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
