I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
