That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
