I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
