your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ketchup is God's man juice
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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