I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
