I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
