When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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