I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
