And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
