I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
