i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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