Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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