i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
