Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
