i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there was a trapeze. enough said
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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