can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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