Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
