I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
