i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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