woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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