so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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