But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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