I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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