I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
