Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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