and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
