It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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