You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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