I want to walk on stilts...naked
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
