I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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