Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
