1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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