u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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