There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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