i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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