Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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