your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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