Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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