He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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