It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
