1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
