Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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