we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
