She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
