if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
