like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
