remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
