My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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