just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
