There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
