dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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