Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
