bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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