Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
