Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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